Saturday, August 27, 2016

Camping is nature's way...

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
(Dave Barry)

Thursday, August 25, 2016

What are they planting...

"What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon?"
(Jerry Seinfeld)

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Warranty - A notice...

"Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function."
(Richard E. Turner)

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked...

"Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked what we would do if the stars only came out once every thousand years. No one would sleep that night, of course... We would be ecstatic, delirious, made rapturous by the glory of God. Instead the stars come out every night, and we watch television."
(Paul Hawken)

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Plot twist...

"Plot twist: everything goes exactly as planned."
(Criss Jami)

Just be yourself...

"'Just be yourself,' I said to the aspiring actor."

Thursday, August 18, 2016

I called up the airline...

"I called up the airline to make a reservation - they said, 'how many people will be traveling?' I said, how do I know - it's your plane."
(Steven Wright)

I went to...

“I went to the bathroom without my phone - just like the pilgrims!”
(Lauren Ashley Bishop)

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

There's a fine line...

"There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
(Only a fraction of people will find this funny.)"

How I see math word problems...

“How I see math word problems:
Q: If you have four pencils and I have seven apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof?
A: Purple, because aliens don’t wear hats.”