Just For Fun...

2009-10-17T01:14:00.001-04:00

"I've always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, 'Ain't that the truth.'"
(Quincy Jones)

2009-10-16T18:28:00.001-04:00

“Many times, when I was having a hard time with one of my children, God would always remind that He was having a harder time with me than I was with them.”
(Charlie Jones)

2009-10-13T10:48:00.001-04:00

"Microsoft has a new version out... which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that asparagus is 'the most articulate vegetable ever.'"
(Dave Barry)

2009-10-06T15:14:00.001-04:00

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
(Alvin Toffler)

2009-10-04T23:31:00.000-04:00

"I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't."
(Mark Twain)

2009-10-02T18:51:00.001-04:00

"The Internet? Is that thing still around?"
(Homer Simpson)

2009-10-01T12:49:00.001-04:00

"After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy."
(John Pierce)

2009-09-30T16:48:00.001-04:00

"It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years."
(John Von Neumann, 1949)

2009-09-16T17:39:00.001-04:00

"What we play is life."
(Louis Armstrong)

2009-09-12T18:22:00.000-04:00

"My idea is that there is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require."
(Edward Elgar)

2009-08-29T18:19:00.000-04:00

"I don't like to say that I'm LOSING my hair - that makes it sound like had I been more responsible this wouldn't have happened..."
(Isaac Witty)

2009-07-05T22:10:00.001-04:00

"Wait long enough and people will surprise and impress you. When you're pissed off at somebody and you're angry at them you just haven't given them enough time. Just give them a little more time, and they'll almost always impress you."
(Jon Snoddy as quoted by Randy Pausch)

A couple of funny answering machine messages. Okay, three.

2009-06-21T19:06:00.002-04:00

"Hi. [pause] Now you say something."

"Hi. I'm not answering the phone right now because I'm avoiding someone. Leave a message and if I don't call back, it's you."

"I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Please leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

2009-06-20T13:31:00.001-04:00

"In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists."
(Eric Hoffer)

More Bumper Stickers

2009-06-06T00:53:00.002-04:00

More amusing bumper stickers...

"If you can read this, I've lost my trailer."

"The earth is full - go home."

"Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult."

"If we quit voting will they all go away?"

"If you can read this, please flip me back over (seen upside down on a jeep)"

"Remember folks: stop lights timed for 35 MPH are also timed for 70 MPH"

"Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch."

2009-06-02T19:07:00.002-04:00

"Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework."
(Bill Cosby)

2009-06-01T16:14:00.001-04:00

Q: "Can you offer any dating pointers?"
A: "I've tried the Gregorian, but I find the Julian calendar is a lot more useful."

(Seth Godin http://is.gd/Lzg0)

2009-05-05T19:02:00.001-04:00

"I was thirty-two when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate."
(Julia Child)

2009-04-08T01:39:00.001-04:00

"Don't you hate it when you walk into a room and can't remember what you're doing with your life?"
(Scott Simpson)

2009-04-07T01:20:00.001-04:00

"If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut."
(Einstein)

2009-02-12T19:49:00.001-05:00

"It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning."
(Henry Ford)

2009-02-11T13:59:00.001-05:00

"You can understand and relate to most people better if you look at them - no matter how old or impressive they may be - as if they are children. For most of us never really grow up or mature that much - we simply grow taller. O, to be sure' we laugh less and play less and wear uncomfortable disguises like adults, but beneath the costume is the child we always are, whose needs are simple, whose daily life is still best described by fairy tales."
(Leo Rosten)

2009-01-22T14:01:00.000-05:00

"If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that there is an exception to every rule. If we accept 'For every rule there is an exception' as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be an exception after all, since the rule states that there is always the possibility of exception, and if we follow it to its logical end we must agree that there can be an exception to the rule that for every rule there is an exception."
(Bill Boquist)

2009-01-04T14:16:00.002-05:00

Funny definitions are not my favorite type of humor; but here are five that I do think are pretty good...

• Adult: One old enough to know better.

• Contest: A test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

• Economy: Cutting down other people's wages. (J.B. Morton)

• Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

• Millihelen: The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.

2008-12-30T17:21:00.003-05:00

From the Less Frequently Asked Questions segment of the FAQ at the website http://www.wherethehellismatt.com (Which features a great video of Matt Harding dancing around the world... and yes, I really did switch to Stride gum because of his video & website).

"[Q:] Why is the world so screwed up?

[A:] Men.

[Q:] How do we fix it?

[A:] Women."